This isn't legal advice. For custody, child support or parenting schedules, talk to a family-law attorney.
If you're in crisis right now
Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, or chat at 988lifeline.org. It's free, confidential and open 24/7, and it's for anyone in emotional distress, not only people thinking about suicide (988 Lifeline). If someone's life is in danger right now, call 911 (NIMH).
What's normal
The end of a relationship usually brings a flood of anger, grief, anxiety and fear, sometimes when you least expect it. APA says that's normal and that the intensity eases over time (APA). It also says people who are kind to themselves have an easier time with the day-to-day of divorce. So talk to yourself the way you'd talk to a friend going through it: "This is hard. I'm doing what I can."
The quiet days without your kids can be the hardest. Plan them on purpose.
When it's more than a rough patch
Depression is different from feeling low. Watch for these lasting most of the day, nearly every day, for two weeks or more (NIMH):
- Feeling sad, empty or hopeless
- Irritability, frustration or more anger than usual
- Losing interest in things you used to enjoy
- Sleeping much more or much less, or appetite changes
- Pulling away from friends and family
- Drinking more or using drugs to get through
- Taking risks you wouldn't have before
- Thoughts of death or suicide
Men often show depression as anger or irritability rather than sadness, and are less likely to talk about it or get help (NIMH). If this list sounds like you, make an appointment with your doctor this week. It may help to jot down your symptoms before the visit. If thoughts of death or suicide are on the list, call or text 988 now.
What to do this week
Pick two or three. Small counts.
- Sleep, move, eat. A regular bedtime, a 20-minute walk, a real meal. AAP's advice for parents going through divorce starts there, partly because your kids learn how to handle stress by watching you (AAP).
- Tell one person. A friend, a brother, a faith leader, a counselor (AAP). Text: "Rough stretch with the divorce. Can I call you tonight?"
- Find a group. Support groups for people going through divorce can help (APA). Ask your doctor, a local hospital or a place of worship for one near you.
- Talk to a professional. A psychologist or counselor can help you deal with the emotions and the changes (APA). Start with your doctor or your health plan for a referral.
- Get back to something you used to love. A pickup game, a guitar, fishing, a workbench (APA).
Your kids aren't your support system
Kids sometimes offer to help a hurting parent. Let them see that you have feelings, then make sure the comfort flows from you to them, not the other way around. AAP says not to expect your child to comfort you, and warns against lines like "You are the man of the house now" (AAP).
Try: "I'm sad about this sometimes, and I'm getting help from grown-ups. Your job is to be a kid."
If the legal side is weighing on you
Custody, support and schedule fights add a lot of stress. Don't try to carry that alone or figure it out online. Talk to a family-law attorney about your situation, and keep the 988 number in your phone for the nights it gets heavy.
Sources
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Conversations are free and confidential, the Lifeline is available 24/7, and it's for everyone, including people dealing with emotional distress or alcohol or drug use concerns. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Checked Oct 15, 2026
- Signs of depression, including in men. NIMH lists common signs of depression, including persistent sad or empty mood, hopelessness, irritability, loss of interest, sleep and appetite changes, and thoughts of death; and other changes such as increased anger, isolating, high-risk activities and more alcohol or drug use. A diagnosis requires symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks. Men may seem angry or irritable rather than sad and may be less likely to seek help. If signs persist, talk to a health care provider; in life-threatening situations, call 911. National Institute of Mental Health Checked Oct 15, 2026
- Normal feelings, self-compassion, support. APA says the end of a marriage typically brings anger, grief, anxiety and fear, that the intensity subsides over time, and that people who are kind to themselves have an easier time managing divorce. It recommends leaning on family, friends and support groups, returning to activities you used to love, eating well, exercising, and speaking with a psychologist. American Psychological Association Checked Oct 15, 2026
- Self-care for parents going through divorce. AAP advises parents going through divorce to practice good self-care and model healthy coping (enough sleep, exercise, eating well) and to get support from a friend, family member, counselor or clergyperson. American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org) Checked Oct 15, 2026
- Don't expect your child to comfort you. AAP says separated or divorced parents should not expect their child to comfort them, should offer comfort and support to the child instead, and should avoid telling an older child "You are the man of the house now." American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org) Checked Oct 15, 2026