If you are thinking about suicide, or you're afraid you might hurt yourself or someone else, call or text 988 now, or chat at 988lifeline.org. It's free, confidential and open 24/7, and it's for any kind of emotional distress, not only suicide (988 Lifeline). If someone is in immediate danger, call 911.
It often doesn't look like sadness
The textbook picture of depression is someone sad and tearful. Plenty of men don't look like that. The National Institute of Mental Health says men with depression may seem angry or irritable instead of sad, and that many men are more likely to see a doctor about physical symptoms than emotional ones (NIMH).
Signs NIMH lists include:
- Anger, irritability or aggressiveness; a short fuse with the kids or your partner
- Feeling flat, hopeless or empty, or losing interest in things you used to enjoy
- Trouble sleeping, waking too early, or sleeping too much
- Tiredness, trouble concentrating, feeling restless or on edge
- Drinking more, using drugs, or taking risks you normally wouldn't
- Aches, headaches or stomach problems without a clear cause
- Pulling away from family and friends
- Thoughts of death or suicide
(NIMH: Men and Mental Health; NIMH: Depression)
Everyone has bad weeks. Doctors diagnose depression when symptoms are there most of the day, nearly every day, for at least two weeks (NIMH). If that sounds like the last month of your life, it's worth a conversation with a doctor.
After a new baby
Depression around a birth isn't only something mothers get. The American Academy of Pediatrics says between 7% and 9% of new fathers develop postpartum depression, and it can begin during the pregnancy or after the baby arrives. In dads, irritability, anger and aggression are common, and many are hard on themselves and doubt they're any good at this (AAP).
The AAP draws a line between the "baby blues," which generally fade within a few days, and depression, which lasts two weeks or more. It also notes that lack of sleep can make it hard to seek help (AAP). The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline, run by the federal Health Resources and Services Administration, is free, confidential and open 24/7, and it encourages partners and family of pregnant and postpartum women to call too: call or text 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262) (HRSA).
Why men put it off
NIMH says men may be less likely to recognize, talk about and seek help for their feelings, which leaves more of them undiagnosed and untreated, and that men are less likely than women to have received mental health treatment in the past year (NIMH). Getting help isn't weakness. It's maintenance, the same as getting your knee looked at.
What getting help looks like
Depression is treatable. Treatment usually means talk therapy, medication, or both (NIMH). A primary care doctor is a good place to start and can refer you to a mental health professional (NIMH).
To take the first step:
- Book an appointment with your regular doctor and say on the phone, "I want to talk about my mood."
- Write down what you've noticed: how long it's been going on, sleep, drinking, temper, anything you've stopped doing.
- Tell one person you trust: your partner, co-parent, a brother, a friend. "I haven't been myself, and I'm getting it checked out."
- Keep the basics going while you wait: sleep when you can, get outside, eat real meals, and go easy on alcohol.
If you're worried about another dad
Say what you've seen, plainly and without a lecture: "You haven't seemed like yourself lately. How are you really doing?" Then listen. If he mentions suicide, take it seriously, stay with him, and call or text 988 together. You can call 988 about someone else, too (988 Lifeline).
Sources
- NIMH: Depression. Lists the signs and symptoms of depression; says diagnosis requires symptoms most of the day, nearly every day, for at least 2 weeks; says men may seem angry or irritable rather than sad, may be less likely to recognize, talk about and seek help for their feelings, and are often more likely to see a provider about physical symptoms; and says treatment typically involves psychotherapy, medication or both. National Institute of Mental Health Checked Oct 15, 2026
- NIMH: Men and Mental Health. Lists common symptoms in men, including anger, irritability or aggressiveness, misuse of alcohol or drugs, engaging in high-risk activities, and aches, headaches or digestive problems without a clear cause; says men are less likely than women to have received mental health treatment in the past year, that mental disorders can be treated, and that a primary care provider is a good place to start. National Institute of Mental Health Checked Oct 15, 2026
- AAP: Perinatal depression in partners. Says between 7% and 9% of new fathers develop postpartum depression; that depression can start during pregnancy or after the child arrives; that irritability, anger and aggression are common symptoms in dads; that the baby blues generally fade within a few days while depression lasts 2 weeks or more; and that support, therapy and sometimes medication help. American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org) Checked Oct 15, 2026
- National Maternal Mental Health Hotline. HRSA's hotline page gives the number as 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262), for calls and texts, free and confidential, 24/7, and says partners and family of pregnant and postpartum women are encouraged to contact it. Read from an Internet Archive copy captured 2026-10-12, because hrsa.gov refused automated requests. Health Resources and Services Administration Checked Oct 15, 2026
- 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. Free, confidential support 24/7 by call, text or chat, for anyone facing mental health struggles, emotional distress or alcohol or drug concerns, and for people worried about a loved one. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Checked Oct 15, 2026