--- title: "The feelings check-in: a number, a word, what helps" status: "Idea, not yet tested" published: "2026-10-15" updated: "2026-10-15" author: "Dad Field Manual editors (drafted with AI help)" time: "15 min" cost: "$0" ages: "3 to 8" where: "Anywhere you can sit side by side with paper: the table, the couch, the bottom stair." topics: ["hard-conversations"] print: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/print?p=feelings-check-in" url: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/plans/feelings-check-in/" --- # The feelings check-in: a number, a word, what helps > Little kids feel big things and don't always have the words. In fifteen minutes you'll make a simple 1–5 scale, practice naming feelings together, and have a daily check-in that takes two minutes once it sticks. **Tested on:** not yet. When a dad tries this, his name, the date, the place, and the kids' ages will be added here. ## What you need - A sheet of paper (have) - Markers or crayons (have) - Tape or a fridge magnet (have) ## Before you start - **Feelings are never wrong.** Don't punish or tease a number or a word. Behavior can have limits; the feeling itself gets heard. - **Watch for low numbers that stick.** If your child seems sad or irritable most days, or stops enjoying things, for more than two weeks, talk with their doctor. - **If your child talks about hurting themselves,** or says someone is hurting them, stay calm, thank them for telling you, and get help today. In a crisis, call or text 988. ## Steps 1. **Draw the scale together** (Together) Draw five boxes in a row and number them 1 to 5. Your kid draws a face in each: 1 is a really hard day, 3 is just okay, 5 is a great day. Let them make the faces as silly as they want. This takes about three minutes. 2. **Go first** (Dad) Point to your own number and say a feeling word and why, in one sentence. Then say what helped. “I'm a 3 today. I felt frustrated because I was late for work. Taking a walk at lunch helped.” Kids learn the words by hearing you use them. 3. **Their number, then their word** (Kid) Ask, “What number are you today?” Let them point. Then help them find the word. If they're stuck, offer two: “Is it more mad or more sad?” Or use weather: “Is today sunny, cloudy or stormy inside?” 4. **Name it and leave it there for a moment** (Dad) Say back what you heard before you fix anything. “You're a 2 and you feel left out. That sounds really hard.” Then wait. A few seconds of quiet often brings the real story. 5. **Ask what helps** (Together) Ask, “What would help, even a little?” If they don't know, offer a short menu: a hug, a snack, a quiet minute, talking about it, or a plan for tomorrow. Try three slow breaths together, breathing out longer than you breathe in, like cooling soup. 6. **Pick a time and post it** (Together) Tape the scale to the fridge and pick one daily time: after school, at dinner or at bedtime. Same time, same question, about two minutes. On good days it's quick. On hard days you'll be glad the habit is already there. ## If it stalls - If they say “I don't know,” that's an answer. Say, “That's okay. Just point to a face.” - If they're in the middle of a meltdown, skip the scale. Stay close and calm, and check in once they've settled. - If it's a 5 every single day, enjoy it. Ask, “What made it a 5?” The habit is the point. - If a sibling laughs at someone's number, set one rule: everyone gets a turn and nobody comments on anyone else's number. ## Variations - **Ages 3–4:** Use three faces instead of five: happy, okay, sad. Stick to four words: happy, sad, mad, scared. Point and name it for them if they need you to. - **Ages 5–6:** Add words like proud, worried, silly and frustrated. Let them draw a new face on the back for any feeling that isn't on the scale. - **Ages 7–8:** Ask for two numbers: how they feel now and how the day went. Try bigger words like disappointed, nervous, embarrassed and excited, and let them ask you the questions. ## Sources - **Feeling words and charts.** The AAP suggests matching feelings to words and faces on a chart, comparing feelings to weather, choosing simple words like happy or mad for young kids, and parents naming their own feelings out loud with a reason, e.g. “I feel frustrated because I made a mistake.” (checked 2026-10-15) - **Name it to tame it, and slow breathing.** The AAP recommends staying calm, naming the feeling you see (“you seem really frustrated or angry right now, is that right?”), and slow, long breaths out, which slow the heart rate and calm the stress response. (checked 2026-10-15) - **When low moods need a doctor.** The AAP says the most common signs of depression in children are seeming more sad and irritable than usual most of the day and no longer enjoying activities, and that signs lasting more than two weeks are a reason to talk with your child's doctor. (checked 2026-10-15) - **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.** 988 is free, confidential and available 24/7 by call, text or chat, for anyone in emotional distress, including people calling about a loved one. (checked 2026-10-15)