--- title: "Holidays in two homes" published: "2026-10-15" updated: "2026-10-15" author: "Dad Field Manual editors (drafted with AI help)" time: "1 hour to plan" cost: "$0" ages: "All ages" where: "Read the plan and fill in the calendar on your own; settle dates with your co-parent by message; share the calendar with the kids at home." topics: ["co-parenting"] print: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/print?p=holidays-in-two-homes" url: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/plans/holidays-in-two-homes/" --- # Holidays in two homes > Thanksgiving, winter break and birthdays are when two homes feel hardest, for kids and for dads. Settle the dates early and in writing, show your kids where they'll be, and build a celebration at your place that doesn't depend on the calendar date. ## What you need - Your parenting plan or court order, if you have one (have) - A printed calendar for November through January, plus birthdays (free) - Two colors of marker or sticker, one for each home (have) - Your kids' school calendar with break dates (free) ## Before you start - **Your court order or parenting plan comes first.** If it sets holiday times, follow it, even when a holiday lands on your usual days. Ask a family-law attorney before changing anything. - **If a handoff ever feels unsafe, leave and call 911.** If holiday exchanges keep getting tense, an attorney can help you ask for a safer exchange plan. - **Kids are never messengers.** Holiday dates, times and travel get settled adult to adult, not through your kid. - **Crisis line.** If a holiday alone gets dark for you, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time. ## Steps 1. **Read what your plan already says** (You) Before you message anyone, read the holiday section of your parenting plan or court order. Write down each holiday it names, the exact start and end times, and whether it alternates by even and odd years. Michigan's court guide says the holiday schedule should be followed even when the holiday falls on the other parent's usual time. 2. **Settle the dates early and in writing** (You) At least a month before the first holiday, send one short message with the dates as you read them: "Hi. For this year I have Thanksgiving 9 to 5 and you have Christmas Eve, per our plan. Kids' birthdays: can we each do a celebration on our own days? Let me know if I've got anything wrong." If something isn't covered, ask early and propose a fix. Get the final answer in writing, and keep it. 3. **Give the kids a simple holiday calendar** (Together) Once dates are settled, color the holiday weeks on a printed calendar, one color for each home, and put it on the fridge. Say it the same friendly way for both houses: "Thanksgiving you're at Mom's, and she's so excited. Saturday you're here, and that's our turkey day." Use whatever your kid calls the other home. 4. **Start a second celebration at your place** (Together) If the real date is at the other house, pick your own day and make it yours: "Dad's Thanksgiving" on Saturday, Christmas morning on the 27th, a birthday breakfast the day they get back. Let the kids choose one thing that's always part of it: the pancakes, the movie, the walk. A tradition that doesn't need the calendar date is one you never have to fight over. 5. **Keep the holiday handoff short and warm** (Dad) Holiday exchanges carry more feelings than usual. Keep to the agreed time, keep it to two minutes, and send them off with "Have a great Thanksgiving at Mom's. Eat some pie for me." Let them carry a new gift or toy between homes if they want to. Nothing about money, schedules or complaints at the door. 6. **Keep gifts about them, not a contest** (You) Set your budget before you see what the other house is buying, and don't try to top it. If you can, agree on one big gift together: "Want to go halves on the bike?" Never ask your kid what they got at the other house or how much it cost. 7. **Plan your day without them** (You) Don't sit home waiting. Plan the day ahead: work a shift for someone, volunteer, see friends or family, go for a long walk, cook something good. Send one short text or make the call your plan allows: "Happy Thanksgiving, buddy. Love you." Then let them enjoy the other house. ## If it stalls - If your co-parent hasn't answered about dates within a week, send one polite follow-up with the plan's wording: "Just confirming Thanksgiving 9 to 5 with me, as in our plan." If it's still stuck, an attorney or your county's family court self-help center can tell you your options. - If your kid cries that they want to be at both houses, say, "I know. You get two Thanksgivings this year, one there and one here." Don't promise a change to the schedule. - If the other house has a bigger celebration, let your kid tell you about it and say, "That sounds fun." Your day doesn't have to match it. It just has to be yours. - If plans change at the last minute, settle it adult to adult by message, then tell the kids the new plan once it's firm, not while it's in question. ## Variations - **Ages 0–4:** Little kids don't track dates, so your celebration day is the holiday to them. Keep naps and bedtime close to normal, and keep their comfort item with them through the handoff. - **Ages 5–11:** Let them help pick your celebration day and color the calendar. Talk through the plan a few days ahead and again the night before. - **Teens:** Ask what matters most to them this year: a friend's party, a game, time with grandparents. Bring their wishes to your co-parent yourself; don't make them negotiate it. **Not legal advice.** For custody, child support or parenting schedules, talk to a family-law attorney. ## Sources - **Write the holiday agreement down and follow it.** Michigan's guideline says parents may alternate, share or split holidays, that it is best to write down the agreement as specifically as possible, and that the holiday schedule should be followed even when the holiday falls on the other parent's normal time. It says to ask the other parent as soon as possible about special occasions and to encourage the child to take part in the other parent's family celebrations. (checked 2026-10-15) - **Traditions, advance notice and sample holiday language.** Ohio's guide says holiday schedules take priority over regular parenting time, gives sample ways to divide, alternate or allocate days such as Thanksgiving, and says children remember the traditions they had before and respond better to a schedule both parents support. It lists giving as much advance notice as possible about special occasions, and exchanging without arguing, among things that benefit children. (checked 2026-10-15) - **Don't make your child the messenger.** AAP says to communicate directly with your co-parent about scheduling, picking up items and finances rather than through the child, and not to criticize each other in front of the child. (checked 2026-10-15) - **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.** Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free, confidential and available 24/7. (checked 2026-10-15)