After a baby, everyone asks how the mom and baby are doing, and they should. But dads can get depressed after a birth too, and it can show up as anger or pulling away instead of sadness. This is a two-minute check, once a week, so you catch it early and know who to call.
Dad Field Manual editors · Drafted with AI help · Published Oct 15, 2026
A note on your phone or this card to write your answersHave
Your doctor's number, savedHave
Where: In the car before you walk in the door, or on the couch after the last feed. Same day and time each week, with a phone reminder.
Read this first
If you're thinking about hurting yourself, your baby or anyone else, call or text 988 now, or chat at 988lifeline.org. It's free, confidential and open 24/7. In an emergency, call 911.
This is not a diagnosis. It helps you notice a pattern. A doctor or counselor is the one to say what's going on.
Don't drink to get through the nights. If you're drinking more than you meant to, say so when you talk to your doctor.
02Steps
Set the reminder
YouPick one time a week, like Sunday after the last feed, and set a repeating phone reminder that says "Mood check." Thirty seconds.
Answer five questions
YouYes or no, for the past week. Sleep: can't sleep even when the baby is asleep, or sleeping all the time? Mood: down, flat, anxious or hopeless most days? Temper: snapping at people more than usual? Drinking or other substances: more than you meant to? Pulling away: avoiding your partner, friends or the baby, or staying late at work to dodge home? One minute.
Read the answers
YouBroken sleep is expected with a newborn, so look past it. All no: carry on. One new yes: pick one small fix this week, like a nap swap or two alcohol-free nights. Two or more yeses, or the same yes two weeks running: go to the next step. Thirty seconds.
Tell one person
YouTell your partner, a friend or a family member, today. Say: "I've not been myself since the baby came. I'm going to talk to my doctor." Saying it out loud is part of the fix.
Call your doctor
YouBook a visit with your own doctor and say, "I had a baby recently and I've been struggling with my mood." If you don't have a doctor, ask the baby's pediatrician where to start. Depression after a baby is treatable, and it won't go away just by pushing through.
Know the lines
YouSave two numbers. 988, call or text, for any time you feel in crisis or just need to talk. The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline, 1-833-TLC-MAMA (1-833-852-6262), call or text 24/7, if you're worried about your partner; it encourages partners and family to reach out.
03If it stalls
If you can't tell whether you're depressed or just tired, ask your partner, "How have I seemed lately?" People close to you often notice first.
If your partner is struggling too, get help for both of you. One of you doesn't have to wait for the other to be okay.
If you skipped weeks, just start again this week. No catching up.
If talking to someone you know feels impossible, call or text 988. It's for anyone struggling, not only people in crisis.
04Variations
Do it together
You and your partner each answer on your own, then swap if you both want to. Agree ahead of time that nobody argues with an answer.
Back at work
Do it in the car before you walk in the door. Add one question: am I staying at work late to avoid going home?
Not living with the baby full time
The same five questions work. Add one: am I skipping my time with the baby because it feels too hard? If yes, that counts.
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AAP: Depression in partners after a birth. AAP says supporting parents face nearly the same risk of perinatal or postpartum depression as birth parents, that research reviews find 7% to 9% of new fathers develop postpartum depression, and that irritability, anger and aggression are common symptoms. It lists signs such as sadness, worry or anxiety, low energy, mood swings, anger, brain fog, trouble sleeping, eating changes, guilt or doubt about parenting and difficulty bonding, says depression lasting 2 weeks or more is more than the baby blues, that it won't go away on its own, and that most doctors now screen both partners. American Academy of Pediatrics (HealthyChildren.org) Checked Oct 15, 2026
NIMH: Depression, including in men. NIMH says men can be depressed and may be less likely to recognize, talk about and seek help for it; men may seem angry or irritable rather than sad. Signs include increased anger or irritability, becoming withdrawn, increased use of alcohol or drugs, isolating from family and friends, and sleep changes. If symptoms persist, talk to a health care provider; call or text 988 for thoughts of suicide, and 911 in life-threatening situations. National Institute of Mental Health Checked Oct 15, 2026
HRSA: National Maternal Mental Health Hotline. The hotline at 1-833-TLC-MAMA is free, confidential and available 24/7 in English and Spanish by call, text or chat. Counselors listen, connect callers with local support and refer to other care. Partners and family of pregnant and postpartum women are encouraged to contact it. Health Resources and Services Administration, Maternal and Child Health Bureau Checked Oct 15, 2026
988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. 988 is reachable by call, text or chat, is free and confidential, runs 24/7, and is for everyone: mental health struggles, emotional distress, alcohol or drug concerns, or wanting someone to talk to. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Checked Oct 15, 2026
Dad Field Manual · Field card 117 · New Dads & Babies
New dad mood check: two minutes a week
After a baby, everyone asks how the mom and baby are doing, and they should. But dads can get depressed after a birth too, and it can show up as anger or pulling away instead of sadness. This is a two-minute check, once a week, so you catch it early and know who to call.
Time
2 min a week
Cost
$0
Ages
Newborn to 1
Where
Anywhere, same time each week
In crisis or thinking about suicide? Call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. If someone is in danger right now, call 911.
What you need
A repeating weekly reminder on your phone
A note on your phone or this card to write your answers
Your doctor's number, saved
Read this first
If you're thinking about hurting yourself, your baby or anyone else, call or text 988 now, or chat at 988lifeline.org. It's free, confidential and open 24/7. In an emergency, call 911.
This is not a diagnosis. It helps you notice a pattern. A doctor or counselor is the one to say what's going on.
Don't drink to get through the nights. If you're drinking more than you meant to, say so when you talk to your doctor.
Steps
Set the reminder. Set a repeating weekly phone reminder called "Mood check."
Answer five questions. Yes or no for the past week: sleep, mood, temper, drinking, pulling away.
Read the answers. All no: carry on. One yes: one small fix. Two yeses, or one for two weeks: next step.
Tell one person. Tell one person today: "I've not been myself since the baby came. I'm calling my doctor."
Call your doctor. Book your own doctor: "I had a baby recently and I've been struggling with my mood."
Know the lines. Save 988 (call or text) and 1-833-TLC-MAMA, the maternal mental health line for worries about your partner.
If it stalls
If you can't tell whether you're depressed or just tired, ask your partner, "How have I seemed lately?" People close to you often notice first.
If your partner is struggling too, get help for both of you. One of you doesn't have to wait for the other to be okay.
