--- title: "The online safety talk: photos, secrets and sextortion" published: "2026-10-15" updated: "2026-10-15" author: "Dad Field Manual editors (drafted with AI help)" time: "20 min" cost: "$0" ages: "9 to 17" where: "On the couch with their phone or tablet between you, so you can check settings together at the end." topics: ["hard-conversations","screens","teens"] print: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/print?p=online-safety-talk" url: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/plans/online-safety-talk/" --- # The online safety talk: photos, secrets and sextortion > People who target kids online are practiced, and they count on kids being too scared to tell. This plan gives your kid the warning signs, the steps to take, and the one promise that matters most: tell me, and you won't be in trouble. ## What you need - Their phone, tablet or game console, for the settings check (have) - The CyberTipline (report.cybertip.org) and Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org), saved on your phone (free) ## Read this first - **If it's happening right now:** don't pay, don't send more, don't delete the account or messages. Block, then report to NCMEC's CyberTipline (1-800-843-5678) or the FBI (1-800-CALL-FBI, tips.fbi.gov). - **Skip paid “removal” services.** Help from NCMEC and the FBI is free. Companies charging victims for help can be another scam. - **Never forward or save the image,** even to report it. Possessing or sharing explicit images of kids can be a serious crime. Report it and let the experts handle removal. - **If your kid seems hopeless or talks about not wanting to live,** stay with them and call or text 988, any time. In an emergency, call 911. ## Steps 1. **Make the promise first** (Dad) Start here, before any warnings: “If anything online ever scares you or feels wrong, come to me. My first move will be to help you. You won't be in trouble, and you won't lose your phone for telling me.” Mean it. Fear of trouble is what keeps kids quiet. 2. **Ask before you explain** (Both of you) Ask, “Has anyone you don't know in real life ever messaged you? What did you do?” and “Has a picture of someone ever gotten passed around at school?” Listen without reacting. Their answers tell you where to start. 3. **Name how it starts** (Dad) Explain that people pretend to be anyone online, often a kid their age who seems interested in them. Warning signs: they ask for photos fast, offer money, game credits or a “modeling” deal, ask to keep it secret, or want to move to another app. Videos and photos aren't proof of who someone is. 4. **Explain what sextortion is** (Dad) Say it plainly: “Sometimes after a kid sends a picture, the person threatens to share it unless they send more or pay money. Some claim to already have a picture, to scare a kid into sending one. It's a crime, and the person doing it is the criminal, not the kid. Paying rarely makes it stop.” 5. **Practice what to do** (Together) Make it a short list they can remember: stop replying, don't pay, block and report the account, keep the messages, and tell you or another trusted adult. Then say what you'll do: report to the CyberTipline or the FBI, and use Take It Down to help get images removed. 6. **Check privacy settings together** (Both of you) Side by side, set accounts to private, turn off messages and chat from strangers, and review who can see their location. Agree on one more rule: say no to anyone who asks for a nude picture, and never share one of someone else, even as a joke. 7. **End with the promise again** (Dad) Close the way you started: “Even if you broke a rule to get there, even if you sent something, you come to me. I'll help.” For phone rules and house screen limits, use the [first-phone talk](/plans/first-phone-talk/) and your [family media plan](/plans/family-media-plan/). ## If it stalls - If they roll their eyes and say, “I'd never do that,” agree, then ask, “What would you tell a friend if it happened to them?” - If they say a friend is in trouble, thank them. Help them get the friend to a trusted adult, and remind them the friend is the victim. - If you discover something on their phone later, start with “Are you okay?” before anything else. Keep the promise you made. - If it feels like too much at once, split it: the promise and warning signs one day, settings the next. ## Variations - **Ages 9–11:** Keep it simple: people online aren't always who they say, never send pictures of your body, never keep a secret an online friend asks you to keep, and always tell Dad. Focus on games and chat features. - **Ages 12–14:** Name sextortion out loud and walk through the warning signs. Talk about group chats and pictures that get passed around school. - **Ages 15–17:** Talk to them as the upstander: what they'd do if a friend were being threatened. Mention that the people doing this often demand money and that teenage boys are frequent targets. ## Sources - **How sextortion works and how to talk about it.** The FBI says sextortion can start on any site, app or game, often with someone posing as a peer or offering money, game credits or a modeling deal; offenders may move kids to other platforms and threaten to share images; victims as young as 8 have been interviewed; kids stay silent because they fear trouble or losing their phones; parents should keep accounts private, review settings together and tell kids their first move will be to help; and young victims are not the ones in trouble. It lists 1-800-CALL-FBI, tips.fbi.gov and takeitdown.ncmec.org, and warns against for-profit companies charging victims for help. (checked 2026-10-15) - **Red flags and what kids should do.** NCMEC, which runs the CyberTipline, says offenders often move fast to ask for nudes, move kids to other platforms, use fake identities, offer “I'll show you if you show me,” or pose as modeling agents; that paying or cooperating rarely stops the blackmail; and that kids should report and block the account but not delete their profile or messages, and ask an adult for help. It says teenage boys have been the most common targets in recent cases, many of them demands for money. (checked 2026-10-15) - **Steps if an image of your child is shared.** The FTC says to report to local police, NCMEC's CyberTipline or 1-800-843-5678, or the FBI at 1-800-CALL-FBI; to ask the platform to remove the image, which covered platforms must do within 48 hours under the Take It Down Act (report failures at TakeItDown.ftc.gov); and to use NCMEC's Take It Down service, which makes a digital fingerprint of the image to help stop it spreading. It also notes that possessing or sharing explicit images of children can be a serious crime. (checked 2026-10-15) - **988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.** 988 is free, confidential and available 24/7 by call, text or chat, for anyone in emotional distress and for people helping a friend or loved one. (checked 2026-10-15)