The online safety talk: photos, secrets and sextortion

01What you need

• Their phone, tablet or game console, for the settings checkHave
• The CyberTipline (report.cybertip.org) and Take It Down (takeitdown.ncmec.org), saved on your phoneFree

Where: On the couch with their phone or tablet between you, so you can check settings together at the end.

02Steps

1. Make the promise first

   DadStart here, before any warnings: “If anything online ever scares you or feels wrong, come to me. My first move will be to help you. You won't be in trouble, and you won't lose your phone for telling me.” Mean it. Fear of trouble is what keeps kids quiet.

2. Ask before you explain

   Both of youAsk, “Has anyone you don't know in real life ever messaged you? What did you do?” and “Has a picture of someone ever gotten passed around at school?” Listen without reacting. Their answers tell you where to start.

3. Name how it starts

   DadExplain that people pretend to be anyone online, often a kid their age who seems interested in them. Warning signs: they ask for photos fast, offer money, game credits or a “modeling” deal, ask to keep it secret, or want to move to another app. Videos and photos aren't proof of who someone is.

4. Explain what sextortion is

   DadSay it plainly: “Sometimes after a kid sends a picture, the person threatens to share it unless they send more or pay money. Some claim to already have a picture, to scare a kid into sending one. It's a crime, and the person doing it is the criminal, not the kid. Paying rarely makes it stop.”

5. Practice what to do

   TogetherMake it a short list they can remember: stop replying, don't pay, block and report the account, keep the messages, and tell you or another trusted adult. Then say what you'll do: report to the CyberTipline or the FBI, and use Take It Down to help get images removed.

6. Check privacy settings together

   Both of youSide by side, set accounts to private, turn off messages and chat from strangers, and review who can see their location. Agree on one more rule: say no to anyone who asks for a nude picture, and never share one of someone else, even as a joke.

7. End with the promise again

   DadClose the way you started: “Even if you broke a rule to get there, even if you sent something, you come to me. I'll help.” For phone rules and house screen limits, use the first-phone talk and your family media plan.

03If it stalls

• If they roll their eyes and say, “I'd never do that,” agree, then ask, “What would you tell a friend if it happened to them?”
• If they say a friend is in trouble, thank them. Help them get the friend to a trusted adult, and remind them the friend is the victim.
• If you discover something on their phone later, start with “Are you okay?” before anything else. Keep the promise you made.
• If it feels like too much at once, split it: the promise and warning signs one day, settings the next.

04Variations

05Sources

• How sextortion works and how to talk about it. The FBI says sextortion can start on any site, app or game, often with someone posing as a peer or offering money, game credits or a modeling deal; offenders may move kids to other platforms and threaten to share images; victims as young as 8 have been interviewed; kids stay silent because they fear trouble or losing their phones; parents should keep accounts private, review settings together and tell kids their first move will be to help; and young victims are not the ones in trouble. It lists 1-800-CALL-FBI, tips.fbi.gov and takeitdown.ncmec.org, and warns against for-profit companies charging victims for help. Federal Bureau of Investigation Checked Oct 15, 2026
• Red flags and what kids should do. NCMEC, which runs the CyberTipline, says offenders often move fast to ask for nudes, move kids to other platforms, use fake identities, offer “I'll show you if you show me,” or pose as modeling agents; that paying or cooperating rarely stops the blackmail; and that kids should report and block the account but not delete their profile or messages, and ask an adult for help. It says teenage boys have been the most common targets in recent cases, many of them demands for money. National Center for Missing & Exploited Children Checked Oct 15, 2026
• Steps if an image of your child is shared. The FTC says to report to local police, NCMEC's CyberTipline or 1-800-843-5678, or the FBI at 1-800-CALL-FBI; to ask the platform to remove the image, which covered platforms must do within 48 hours under the Take It Down Act (report failures at TakeItDown.ftc.gov); and to use NCMEC's Take It Down service, which makes a digital fingerprint of the image to help stop it spreading. It also notes that possessing or sharing explicit images of children can be a serious crime. Federal Trade Commission Checked Oct 15, 2026
• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. 988 is free, confidential and available 24/7 by call, text or chat, for anyone in emotional distress and for people helping a friend or loved one. 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline Checked Oct 15, 2026