--- title: "Play their video game with them" status: "Idea, not yet tested" published: "2026-10-15" updated: "2026-10-15" author: "Dad Field Manual editors (drafted with AI help)" time: "45 min" cost: "$0" ages: "6 to 14" where: "The couch in front of the console, or side by side at the computer or tablet they already use." topics: ["screens"] print: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/print?p=play-their-game" url: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/plans/play-their-game/" --- # Play their video game with them > You don't have to like the game. You just have to sit down and be bad at it while your kid shows you how. In 45 minutes you learn what they're playing and who they play with, and you set up chat and spending controls together. **Tested on:** not yet. When a dad tries this, his name, the date, the place, and the kids' ages will be added here. ## What you need - The game your kid already plays, on their usual console, computer or tablet (have) - A second controller, or take turns with one (have) - The password for the device's family or parental controls (have) - A phone or the game box to look up its rating (have) ## Before you start - **Ratings don't cover everything.** The FTC notes ESRB ratings don't cover in-game ads or player-made content, and games update. Watch what actually shows up on screen. - **Chat off or friends-only.** Even games aimed at kids can have adult players. Voice chat and messaging can be turned off in the device's or game's parental controls. - **Lock spending first.** Turn in-game purchases off, require a password, or set a dollar limit before your kid plays on their own again. ## Steps 1. **Ask to be taught** (Dad) Pick a time with no rush. Say: “Will you teach me the game you like best? Pretend I've never played anything.” Let them choose the game and set it up. You're not there to judge it. You're there to learn it. 2. **Let them run the controller lesson** (Kid) Twenty minutes. They explain the buttons, the goal and the rules while you play. Lose often and say so: “Okay, how do I not fall off that?” Let them take over when you're stuck. Kids usually enjoy being the expert. 3. **Ask open questions** (Dad) While you play, skip yes-or-no questions. Try: “How did you pick this game? What's your favorite part?” “Tell me more about this character.” “Who do you usually play with?” If something bugs you, don't comment yet. Make a mental note for later. 4. **Look up the rating together** (Together) Find the ESRB rating on the box or the game's store page. Read the three parts out loud: the age category (E, E10+, T, M), the content descriptors that say why, and the interactive elements, like “In-Game Purchases” or “Users Interact.” Ask: “Does this match what we just saw?” 5. **Set chat and spending side by side** (Together) Open the family or parental controls together, so nothing feels secret. Decide on chat: off, or friends they know in real life only. Decide on spending: off, a password for every purchase, or a set dollar limit. Show them where the settings live. 6. **Say the tell-me rule** (Dad) Say it plainly: “If someone you don't know asks you to chat somewhere else, says something mean, or asks for pictures, say ‘No thanks’ and come tell me. You won't lose the game for telling me.” 7. **Book the next round** (Together) End before anyone's tired of it. Say: “You're a good teacher. Same time next week?” Bring up anything that bugged you later, calmly, when it won't feel like an ambush: “That shooting part was a lot for me. What do you think about it?” ## If it stalls - If they get frustrated that you're bad at it, say, “You're the teacher. Show me one more time, slower.” - If you can't stand the game, keep playing anyway. You're there for them, not the game. - If they don't want you in their online game with friends, ask to watch instead, or play a single-player mode together. - If stopping is a fight, agree on the stopping point before you start: “Two more levels, then dinner.” ## Variations - **Ages 6–8:** Stick to games rated E. Play side by side with two controllers, and keep sessions short. You read any on-screen text for them. - **Ages 9–11:** Let them walk you through their friends list: “Who's this? How do you know them?” Check whether the game shows In-Game Purchases on its rating. - **Ages 12–14:** They may want T-rated games. Read the content descriptors together and decide as a pair. Ask them to show you a game their friends play, too. ## Sources - **Co-playing and asking questions.** An AAP pediatrician lists gaming sessions as a way to co-view with kids, says the point is to learn from them, not judge or police them, suggests open-ended questions such as “How did you pick this game? What's your favorite part?” and advises not commenting right away on something that bothers you but coming back to it later. (checked 2026-10-15) - **Online games: teach me, voice chat, spending limits.** The AAP suggests playing a game with your child and asking them to teach you how, since they enjoy that; checking out online games beforehand; having kids play only with people they know; disabling voice chat through parental controls; and setting spending limits using family controls. (checked 2026-10-15) - **What ESRB ratings mean.** ESRB ratings have three parts: rating categories (E, E10+, T, M 17+, AO 18+), content descriptors that indicate content that may have triggered the rating, and interactive elements such as In-Game Purchases, In-Game Purchases (Includes Random Items) and Users Interact, which flags possible exposure to unfiltered user communications. (checked 2026-10-15) - **Kids, games, chat and in-game spending.** The FTC says ESRB ratings don't cover in-game ads or player-created content, that even games aimed at kids sometimes have adult players, that parents can turn off chat with other players, that in-game spending can be turned off, password-protected or given a dollar limit, and that a child asked by an unknown player to chat elsewhere can say “No thanks” and talk to a parent. (checked 2026-10-15)