--- title: "Two good choices, and the silliest-way game" published: "2026-10-15" updated: "2026-10-15" author: "Dad Field Manual editors (drafted with AI help)" time: "10 min" cost: "$0" ages: "1 to 4" where: "Getting dressed, the dinner table, the bath, the car seat, cleanup: any moment you need them to do something." topics: ["discipline","toddlers","chores"] print: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/print?p=two-good-choices" url: "https://dadfieldmanual.com/plans/two-good-choices/" --- # Two good choices, and the silliest-way game > Toddlers want a say in everything, and "no" is their favorite word. Give them a real choice between two things you're fine with, and the fight over whether turns into a choice about how. ## What you need - Nothing but the two things you're offering: two shirts, two cups, two books (have) ## Before you start - **Safety is never a choice.** Car seats, holding hands in a parking lot and hot stoves get a plain direction, not options. - **Silly, not risky.** Hopping, tiptoeing and crawling are fine. No running with things in their hands, and no silly ways on stairs or near the tub. - **No spanking or hitting, ever.** If you're losing your cool, make sure they're safe and take a minute yourself. ## Steps 1. **Pick where you're going first** (Dad) Decide the destination before you open your mouth: they're getting dressed, drinking milk, going to the bath. The choice is only about how, never about whether. 2. **Offer two, both good** (Dad) Hold up both things so they can point. "Red cup or blue cup?" "Dinosaur shirt or truck shirt?" "Hop or tiptoe to the bath?" Two is enough. Three or more is too many for a toddler. 3. **Skip the yes-or-no question** (Dad) Don't ask, "Do you want to take a bath?" The honest answer is no. Make the main thing a statement and the choice a question: "It's bath time. Do you want to bring the duck or the boat?" 4. **If they don't pick, you pick** (Dad) Wait a slow count of five. If they don't choose, or they say "neither," say calmly, "You can pick, or I'll pick." Count five again, then choose and keep moving. Don't add a third option. 5. **Play the silliest-way game** (Together) For chores, ask: "What's the silliest way to get these socks to the hamper?" Let them show you: walking like a penguin, carrying the socks on their head. Then you try their way. The job gets done; the how is theirs. 6. **Notice the cooperation** (Dad) When they choose and follow through, say what they did: "You picked the blue cup and drank your milk." Short and specific beats "good job." ## If it stalls - If they want the thing that wasn't offered, say, "That's not one of the choices. Red or blue?" and hold both up again. - If every choice turns into a fight, make the choices smaller and earlier: let them pick the pajamas at breakfast. - If the silly way stops being fun, switch animals: frog jump, bear walk, robot steps. New silly beats old silly. - If they're mid-meltdown, choices may not land. Get them safe and calm first, then offer two easy ones. ## Variations - **Ages 1–2:** Hold up both things and let them point or grab. No words needed. You do the silly walk; they copy. - **Ages 3–4:** Let them invent the silly way and name it. Sometimes let them offer you two choices back. - **Siblings:** Each kid gets their own two choices, so nobody has to agree with anybody. ## Sources - **Offer two choices.** CDC advises offering two choices in simple language to encourage independence, for example two pairs of pants, and says two options is often enough. It also says to make a direction a statement rather than asking whether your child wants to do it, and to praise your child when they follow directions. (checked 2026-10-15) - **Small choices, not yes-or-no.** The AAP suggests giving a child control over little things by offering small, directed choices rather than yes-or-no questions, and says consistency from day to day is key to reducing tantrums. (checked 2026-10-15) - **Choices within limits, no spanking.** The AAP advises letting young children choose among acceptable alternatives while setting sensible limits, praising good behavior and good tries, and never spanking or hitting a child. (checked 2026-10-15)