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Dad Field Manual · Field card 37 · DisciplineIdea · not yet tested

Set up a calm-down corner

A calm-down corner is a cozy spot your kid can go to when feelings get too big. It's not a punishment. In thirty minutes you'll build one together, practice using it, and know when to use it and when a time-out fits better.

Time
30 min
Cost
$0
Ages
2 to 7
Where
A corner of a shared room

What you need

  • A pillow, cushion or beanbag
  • A soft blanket
  • Two or three calm things: a board book, a stuffed animal, a squeeze ball
  • Paper, markers and tape for a feelings sign

Before you start

  • It's never a locked or closed-in spot. No shut doors, no blocking the way out. Your kid can always come back to you.
  • Check every item for your youngest child. Nothing small enough to fit in a mouth, no cords or strings, nothing heavy that can tip over.
  • Hitting, biting or throwing gets a time-out, not the corner. The corner is for big feelings. Unsafe behavior gets a short, calm time-out in a different spot.
  • No spanking, ever, and no yelling them into the corner. If you're losing your cool, put your kid somewhere safe and take a break yourself.

Steps

  1. Pick the spot together. Pick a quiet, cozy corner together, close enough that your kid can see or hear you.
  2. Make it cozy. Add a pillow, a blanket and two or three calm things your kid picks. No screens.
  3. Make the feelings sign. Draw happy, sad, mad and scared faces, color them, and tape the sign at kid eye level.
  4. Practice when everyone's calm. Act it out with a stuffed animal: go to the corner, point to a face, take three slow balloon breaths.
  5. Say the rule once. Explain that they can go any time feelings are too big and come back when ready.
  6. Use it in the moment. Calm yourself, name the feeling, offer the corner and sit with them. Reconnect afterward.
  7. Know when it's a time-out instead. Feelings get the corner; hitting or biting gets a short time-out elsewhere, about one minute per year of age.

If it stalls

  • If they refuse to go, don't drag them. Bring the calm to them: sit on the floor nearby and take slow breaths yourself.
  • If they start using the corner to dodge cleanup, say, “Okay, take two minutes, then we'll finish together.”
Times I chose the calm corner
Signed off: can do this.Signed by Date