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Dad Field Manual · Field card 44 · Co-ParentingIdea · not yet tested

The first night back at Dad's

The first night back doesn't need a big outing. It needs to feel like home. Have their space ready, cook one simple meal together, and keep the bedtime they know, so your place is somewhere they live, not somewhere they visit.

Time
2 hours
Cost
$0
Ages
3 to 12
Where
Your place

What you need

  • A drawer, shelf or bin that belongs to each kid
  • Toothbrush, pajamas and a change of clothes that stay at your place
  • Ingredients for one simple first-night meal, like tacos or pasta
  • A bedtime book that lives at your place
  • A night-light or their usual sleep thing, if they use one

Before they arrive

  • If anyone is in danger, safety comes first. If there's abuse, threats or violence, call 911. Don't carry on a routine around it.
  • Don't ask them to report on the other house. No questions about the other parent, a new partner or money. Let them bring things up if they want to.
  • Kitchen jobs by age. Under 7: washing, stirring, setting the table. Knives and the stove only for older kids, with you right beside them.
  • Crisis line. If your kid, or you, talks about not wanting to be alive, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time.

Steps

  1. Have their space ready. Before they arrive, make the bed and set out their own drawer or bin, toothbrush and pajamas.
  2. Land first, no agenda. Give them 20 quiet minutes to land: a snack, unpacking, no questions or surprises.
  3. Make one simple meal together. Cook one easy meal together, the same one every first night, and eat at the table with screens off.
  4. Talk at the table without the quiz. Ask "best part and hardest part of your week?" Everyone answers, including you; no questions about the other house.
  5. One small thing together. Do 20 minutes of something ordinary together: a card game, a puzzle, a walk or one show.
  6. The bedtime they know. Keep their usual bedtime: wash, teeth, one book, lights out, in 30 minutes or less.

If it stalls

  • If they say "At the other house we get to stay up later," don't argue or compete. Say, "Here, bedtime is 8:30," and keep going. Then message your co-parent privately to see if you can line up bedtimes.
  • If they're upset or homesick for the other house, that's normal and not a judgment of you. Say, "You miss the other house. That makes sense. Want to draw a picture to take back?"
First nights: same meal, same bedtime
Signed off: can do this.Signed by Date