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Dad Field Manual · Field card 94 · Co-Parenting

Holidays in two homes

Thanksgiving, winter break and birthdays are when two homes feel hardest, for kids and for dads. Settle the dates early and in writing, show your kids where they'll be, and build a celebration at your place that doesn't depend on the calendar date.

Time
1 hour to plan
Cost
$0
Ages
All ages
Where
Kitchen table, then your phone

What you need

  • Your parenting plan or court order, if you have one
  • A printed calendar for November through January, plus birthdays
  • Two colors of marker or sticker, one for each home
  • Your kids' school calendar with break dates

Before you start

  • Your court order or parenting plan comes first. If it sets holiday times, follow it, even when a holiday lands on your usual days. Ask a family-law attorney before changing anything.
  • If a handoff ever feels unsafe, leave and call 911. If holiday exchanges keep getting tense, an attorney can help you ask for a safer exchange plan.
  • Kids are never messengers. Holiday dates, times and travel get settled adult to adult, not through your kid.
  • Crisis line. If a holiday alone gets dark for you, call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline, any time.

Steps

  1. Read what your plan already says. Read your plan's holiday section and write down each holiday, its times, and which years are yours.
  2. Settle the dates early and in writing. Message your co-parent the holiday dates and times as you read them, ask early about gaps, and keep the reply.
  3. Give the kids a simple holiday calendar. Color the holiday weeks on a printed calendar, one color per home, and tell the kids both plans warmly.
  4. Start a second celebration at your place. Pick your own celebration day and let the kids choose one thing that's always part of it.
  5. Keep the holiday handoff short and warm. Be on time, keep the exchange to two minutes, and tell them to have a great holiday at the other house.
  6. Keep gifts about them, not a contest. Set your own gift budget, don't compete, and never ask what they got at the other house.
  7. Plan your day without them. Plan your own holiday ahead, send one warm text or call, and let them enjoy the other house.

If it stalls

  • If your co-parent hasn't answered about dates within a week, send one polite follow-up with the plan's wording: "Just confirming Thanksgiving 9 to 5 with me, as in our plan." If it's still stuck, an attorney or your county's family court self-help center can tell you your options.
  • If your kid cries that they want to be at both houses, say, "I know. You get two Thanksgivings this year, one there and one here." Don't promise a change to the schedule.
Holiday dates settled in writing
Signed off: can do this.Signed by Date