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Dad Field Manual · Field card 46 · Marriage & TeamworkIdea · not yet tested

The monthly money date with your partner

Money fights usually start with a surprise: a bill nobody saw coming, a purchase one of you didn't know about. Once a month, forty-five minutes, coffee on the table, you look at the same numbers together and leave with one goal and one rule you both agreed to.

Time
45 min
Cost
$0
Ages
Any age
Where
Kitchen table

What you need

  • Last month's bank and card statements, on paper or open in the apps
  • Pay stubs or a note of what came in last month
  • The CFPB's free spending tracker sheet, printed, or a sheet of paper with categories
  • A notebook for the money-date page: bills, goal, rule
  • A calculator or phone
  • Coffee, tea or a snack you both like

Before you start

  • Numbers, not blame. Last month's spending is information, not evidence. Ask "What was this?" instead of "Why did you?"
  • Keep it between the adults. Do it out of the kids' earshot. Kids don't need to carry worry about bills.
  • Store account details safely. Keep the list of accounts and logins somewhere secure that both of you can reach, and tell each other where it is.
  • If money is used to control or scare you, skip this format. Call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (TTY 1-800-787-3224), or 911 in danger.

Steps

  1. Set the date. Pick one day a month for 45 minutes, put it in both calendars, and say it's blame-free.
  2. Look at what came in and went out. Total what came in, sort what went out into categories, and circle the bills that repeat every month.
  3. Sort who pays what. List every bill with its due date, how it's paid and who handles it, so you both know.
  4. Pick one shared goal. Choose one goal, divide the amount by the weeks you have, and agree on a weekly target.
  5. Set the no-surprises rule. Agree on a dollar number; anything over it gets talked about before you buy it.
  6. End on one good thing. Each name one thing that went right with money this month, then confirm next month's date.

If it stalls

  • If it starts turning into an argument, say "Let's write that down and come back to it" and move to the next step. Finish on time either way.
  • If one of you has always handled the money, that person walks through the bills list slowly this time. The goal is that you both could take over tomorrow.
Months in a row we met
Signed off: can do this.Signed by Date