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Dad Field Manual · Field card 144 · Dad-and-Kid Dates

Coffee and an errand: a teen date where they pick

Teens talk more when they're in charge and nobody's lecturing. They pick the drink spot and one stop they actually care about; you drive, pay and mostly listen.

Time
90 min
Cost
About $10–15
Ages
13 and up
Where
In town

What you need

  • Money for two drinks and a snack
  • A small budget for their errand, agreed ahead
  • The car, or a walking or bus route they pick

Before you go

  • Listen, don't lecture. AAP says lectures aren't heard. Listen without judgment, and stay calm if they bring up something big.
  • Don't overreact. CDC says when a teen shares something personal, stay calm and let them know you value their view.
  • If they mention self-harm or feeling hopeless, stay with them and call or text 988, the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.

Steps

  1. Hand over the invite. They pick the drink spot and one errand they want; you name the budget ahead.
  2. Let them run the drive. They pick the music. Keep car talk light and let quiet be quiet.
  3. Order, sit, ask one thing. Pay, put your phone away, ask one question, listen, and repeat back what you heard.
  4. Follow them on the errand. They lead the errand. Skip comments on taste; ask what they like about it.
  5. Close it out. Name one thing you enjoyed and ask when they'd want to go again.

If it stalls

  • If they say no, say "It's OK. The offer stands whenever you want." and ask again next month.
  • If they give one-word answers, stop asking. Talk about your own week for a minute, then let it be quiet.

Cut out: the invite

Coffee's on me this weekend. You pick the place and one stop you actually want. I'll drive and mostly listen.

— Dad

Ask on the date

  1. What are you into right now that I probably don't know about?
  2. What was the best and worst part of your week?
  3. What's been on your mind lately?
  4. What do adults get wrong about people your age?
  5. If you could change one thing about school, what would it be?
  6. Where should we go next time?

Keep it

Keep the receipt. On the back, write the date and one thing they said that stuck with you, and start an envelope of them.

Dates this year
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